Sunday, June 20, 2010

My Wintersong

My journey is taking me to some amazing places, both physically and spiritually, and this winter solstice has allowed me to experience some more of the truths that both surround me, and journey within me. I have also felt for the first time, deeply connected to this seasonal celebration and it's prominent place on the Wheel of the Year.

The crisp dark nights of winter have given me the opportunity to withdraw and journey deeper into who I am. It has been a time of reflection, a time to be alone, and a time to ponder on what needs to be stripped away, and rebirthed. As a busy mother with a hectic schedule, it isn't always possible to spend time in meditation, but the mysteries work when we least expect them to, and most of my ruminating has been done in dreaming. Aided of course, by the beautiful mugwort dream pillows I made with my spirit sisters last month!

The first dream came to me a week ago, and it was beautiful.

I was walking alone down the street when the snow came. It covered everything, and the stark white of it was piercing. I was overwhelmed by it's beauty, but felt I needed to rush home to tell my children to look outside. By the time I got home the rain had come, and it had washed all the snow away. It left me bewildered and disappointed that I hadn't been able to share this experience with my babies.

It took me a few days of pondering to realise that this dream was telling me that it isn't important to share everything. That some things are sacred to only me, and that despite my closeness to others (my children, my husband, family etc), it is important to keep some things inside in order to keep MY soul topped up. I do have a tendency to want to share everything with everyone, and this has gotten me in to trouble numerous times. Some people just don't think like I do, and it's been a hard lesson to learn!

The second dream occurred in the early hours of Saturday morning and was very confronting.

I dreamt that was laying alone in bed and had discovered that my pubic hair had grown ridiculously long! As long as a ponytail, in fact. I was mystified and horrified at the same time, and decided that it just wouldn't do. I reached for a pair of scissors, bunched the hair up and cut it all off. Satisfied that I had done the job, I hopped out of bed only to realise that I hadn't cut my pubic hair, but had in fact, cut my clothes. I was standing, looking down at myself, and at the shreds of fabric hanging off me.

This one didn't take so long to figure out, and the meditative drive up the mountain later that morning certainly helped. Symbolically my pubic hair is the inner me. The yoni is the sacred well of women's mysteries, and in this dream it represents me and my soul life. My clothing is symbolic of the outer me, or the me that I display to the world. The dream is telling me that it's time to cut away what is portrayed to others, and to display the real me. The me that is living THIS life, whether others like it or not. It is confirming that I don't need to change who am at my core, or to alter my truth for anyone. There is no need to fear who I have become, nor to fear what others may think of the person that I truly am.

This solstice weekend has truly been wonderful. I have spent time in solitude, enjoyed a funny, yet heart wrenching circle with my spirit sisters, witnessed the beautiful initiation of a friend, and journeyed the winter spiral with my family. Along the way, I have uncovered some truths, and delved deeper into who I am as a woman in this world. It also appears that my journey with Lilith is not over yet! She's back, she's screeching at me, and she is helping me strip away, properly this time, all that I thought I had dealt with. I know now that my reflection is my truth, and this solstice will see the resurrection and rebirth of myself.

My wintersong is quite simply me.

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